Overcoming Challenges to Strengthen relationships

This week I would like to share some potential problems and solutions that my take place in a marital relationship. Most conflict arises because one spouse feels emotionally pained. Catherine Thomas stated, “Much of the emotional pain that we have does not come from the love that we were not given in the past, but from the love we ourselves are not giving in the present.” We are bound to feel dissatisfied when we are focused on making sure our own needs are being met rather than focusing on meeting the needs of our spouse. It is in our selflessness that we will be able to discover love for our spouse and feel more fulfilled in our daily efforts.

Often times, there are conflicts in a relationship that may be causing other relationships without our awareness. In Gottman’s Book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work he said, “Improving your marriage is a kind of journey. Like all voyages it begins by suspending disbelief, taking on small step, and then seeing where you are taking the next step.” This uncertainty gives us a challenge to discover what our spouse needs as well as what our dreams are so that we can work together to meet each other’s needs. Most conflict seems to arise because we do not recognize or appreciate one another’s dreams. (This conflict can be described as a gridlock, or a problem that cannot be 100% resolved.)  “ For many couples, the dream that is at the core of the conflict is not so obvious. Only uncovering this dream can the couple get out of gridlock.”

While gridlocks cannot be completely resolved they can be worked around and a marriage can be strengthened through working together with your spouse to find solutions to these marital issues. No one is perfect, we should not expect our spouse or ourselves to be perfect.

This is a concept that I struggle with myself. I desire very greatly to be perfect now but I am ultimately incapable of reaching perfection at this point in my progression. Goddard taught me about such a principle in his book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, while discussing the importance of having a Christ centered marriage. Goddard said, “God gave us weakness so we would recognize our dependence on Him. Our central task is to make ourselves (with the help of our weakness) humble. Then, as we turn our lives over to Him, He will make us clean and holy.”

In all relationships we should strive to be humble and accept both the Lord's help as well as help from our spouse. It is only though accepting The Lord's help that we are able to overcome challenges and increase our capacity to love and serve others.