Creating Something New

Upon preparing for marriage some couples expect to enter into a state of Happily Ever After, unfortunately this is not the case. If anything, things get more complicated when the marital bond is formed. When a couple is married they are joining into a bond that is essentially a combination of two separate worlds. As they are married they are inviting each other to join their families, as this happens the newly formed couple gains in-laws. It may be difficult to bond with in-laws because it involves an individual joining an already established set of cultures and family rules.

Below are a list of 5 things that every Parent In-Law should avoid doing according to: Harper and Olsen (Pulled from their article: “Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families”)

1.      Giving advice (that is not asked for)

2.      Pinning down children-in-law as to the specific reasons they are missing a family event

3.      Criticizing or taking over the disciplining of grandchildren,

4.      Trying to control everyone and everything including children’s beliefs

5.      Unclean and indirect communication.

Things they can do to make their children in-law feel welcome:

·         Make phone calls that include the child and their spouse

·         Do activities that the couple feel comfortable with

·         Write letters addressed to both the child and their spouse.

Harper and Olsen also suggest: “Adult married children should set boundaries that help ensure their marriage is strong and happy. Have regular communication with in-laws also send messages that couples value their relationship with them.

Daughter in laws can “disclose information about themselves, communicate openly, accept differences, use empathy, and push for a relational connection, they can have high-quality relationship with mothers-in-law.”

I personally am not married, I am however, seriously dating someone and preparing to meet my potential in-laws, I found this article to be extremely helpful in my keeping an open mind about entering into a new family culture.

Resources:

Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.